Lady of Tumult

Literally. Like I actually have this weird burning sensation in my stomach. No, it’s not indigestion or a stomach ulcer, unless there’s something new developing here that I’m not aware of. Perhaps I should look for some Tums…I really do think it’s all in my head though and it scares the hell out of me.

I started writing this blog for two reasons:

1. Writing has always been a passion of mine. I wrote story after story throughout my entire childhood. I actually have my degree in public relations and advertising. However, shortly after obtaining my bachelor’s, I went back to school for nursing and that was the end of the written word. I haven’t written anything since my college term papers–nursing notes don’t count. It was time for me to get back to doing something I’ve always enjoyed.
2. I spend several hours a week at my son’s gym and I finally realized, hey, I have some extra time on my hands to be productive. What better way to occupy this time than to start a mommy blog because there aren’t enough of them already and nobody’s kiddos could possibly be as naughty as mine, right? I truly suck at handling my wildcats so why not just post my fiascos online for the entire world to see? Sounds like a good idea to me.

I am aware that I am a total rookie here and as easy as it was for a computer-illiterate person like myself to set up and start writing this blog, not once did I take the process lightly. I take a lot of pride in what I do and I suppose that’s why it feels like it’s a butt-load of work. Wait. It doesn’t just feel like it. It truly is sooo much work!

Ahh… here comes the common theme among most (who are we kidding?), I mean ALL new bloggers. Is all of this work actually worth it?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited to pop open my laptop in the morning with a hot cup of coffee in hand while a cool breeze flows through my window. I thoroughly enjoy writing these blogs and after hours and hours and hours of editing, pushing that publish button is like eating a cake without calories. It’s glorious.

But then, that burn.

The struggle is ongoing. There are more ideas to contemplate, more drafts to edit, and much, much more learning to be had. And I’ve barely tipped my toes into this so if I ever grow this blog o’ mine into something really special, I might be in for a rude awakening. Or maybe it will be absolutely wonderful but no doubt challenging to say the least.

The issue I’m having here is that the blog never leaves me. I’ve set aside plenty of hours to work on it but it always takes more from me than I initially planned. It’s always there in my thoughts and it follows me throughout my entire day. I eat, sleep, and drink this blog. Am I allowing anxiety and OCD to take over or is this a normal experience for writers?

It may be that I’ve never had to take my work home before. As a nurse, you do everything you need to do, and then some, for each patient. You chart like crazy and then–peace out. Unless it was one of those emotionally wrecked days, whatever happened there, stays there.

So I vacillate between loving the labor of blogging and wishing my “blog thoughts” would just leave me alone for a moment. I’m writing about my naughty, demanding children for goodness sake, I deserve to have a small part of my day where my mind is quiet, right? Is this even possible?

Have you had enough of my bellyaching yet?

This is just me–venting to some peeps who might be able to sympathize with my plight.

I’m not on the verge of quitting whatsoever, that’s not where this is headed. I know a lot of people quit after their first few months or they’ll go on a hiatus for a while. I’ve read about it in their own blogs. I just have the need to type out my raw emotions for a minute and share it with you all. Maybe putting it into words will be therapeutic for me or maybe another blogger/writer will be able to relate.

I would assume every new blogger has the same insecurities, wondering if anyone out there really cares to hear your thoughts. Are the limited views, likes, or comments because you happen to be in this vast, open space where it’s difficult to get noticed? Popular blogs today started out with zero views at one point, too. It is possible though, that you could have great ideas but just suck at writing or perhaps you are a decent writer grammatically-speaking but you’re an absolute snore. You keep hustling through each post, secretly hoping you’re not one of the latter two types of bloggers.

It’s not the numbers that bother me. I know it takes time and a lot of hard work to get there. That one little like, one little comment, one little follower–they all mean something to me. Of course I’m not just writing for myself, I’m writing for them, too, and that’s why I care so much. What bothers me is the incessant noise within myself that can be so mentally draining. At the same time, I still have an insane desire to continue on with this new literary adventure of mine.

To all of you seasoned bloggers, does it eventually get better? Can you find relief for the constant thoughts swirling around in your head?

There are a gazillion posts out there for us newbies but I would love to hear any advice y’all might have about how to break free from your blog occasionally without breaking up with it. My wonderful blogging community is as small as my 5-year-old’s thumbprint right now but I would appreciate any help I can get.

I really do love writing these posts and the people I get to chat with now and then have ALL been super cool! I’d love it if you could shoot me a comment and let me know what works for you. If you’ve got nothin’, pass me the Pepto!