Lady of Tumult

Are there any wives out there that don’t pick on their husbands now and then? I don’t make it a habit to constantly be a nit-pick with mine nor do I ever run him down but after being married for 13 years, I’m entitled to the occasional wifey-nag and a little teasing every once in a while.

Lately, I’ve noticed that when I’m writing these blogs, the frustration I feel towards my kids sometimes spills over onto my husband. I may not always be putting him in the best light during those times I choose to use both truth and sarcasm to express my feelings. I feel like I’ve sorta shorted him on the praise he truly deserves.

However, even though I may be feeling a bit guilty about this right now, I can assure you that I’m not going to stop whining or making smart-ass remarks about him.

Since I know I’m going to continue on down that road, I thought I would set the record straight on how important this man is to me. No matter how many tiny complaints I might have, there are a million more praises I could give him. My goal here is to shed some light on just a few of those because I’d hate for the world to think that I believe I’m married to a complete dick.

Falling in love with my Husband was like walking on air and certainly one of the most happiest times in my life.

The only other time that could compare was, of course, when each of our three children were born. I feel lucky that I was able to fall so hard for Adam right from the very beginning. Our dating life was euphoric all the way through to the proposal at the waters edge in Cozumel, Mexico. It was actually his idea to start a family first and through all the trials and tribulations that children and life bring, I’m still just as much in love with him today as I was back then.

What made me fall in love with him?

It started the way it typically does, with attraction. He kind of looked like a bad-ass, which I’ll admit, has always been my downfall with men. But, he had a way about him that told me he wasn’t just another loser off the street.

He had so much knowledge about everything and I was always blown away during our conversations. Though he was foul-mouthed and edgy, he treated me with respect and would do anything for me and my family.

My family loved him. My demure, kind mother loved him. Had they not, I think it might have been too late anyway because I was already madly in love with him. However, having my family that I care so much about approve, just made our whole love story completely perfect.

These days I would classify our marriage as a traditional one.

Not because of my religion (my faith had not even become important to me until years into our marriage) and not because he expects certain things from me, but because we both like it that way. I believe that healthy marriages are those that are based on what each person finds appealing and then compromising on whatever else is left over.

He is very masculine and I am very feminine. I prefer him that way and he prefers me my way. I need him to kill the spider because I get panicky when I see one. I need him to mow the lawn and take out the garbage because the lawn makes me itchy and the garbage is gross. He has no desire to do housework and sucks at it anyway. I don’t particularly like cleaning either but I prefer it over yardwork and getting the cars fixed.

He likes to work and provide for his family while, though I do work occasionally, I’d rather stay home with my babies (yes, the same children that give me hell everyday). Thus, much of the child-rearing has fallen into my lap.

My daily struggles with my kids are real and sometimes it’s like pulling teeth to get my husband to take over. He’ll do the dishes once in a blue moon or shop-vac the kids crumbs under their chairs. He begrudgingly takes one to gymnastics or another to swimming when he has to on those days I do have to work. I pay the bills, do the majority of the laundry, set up the conferences and appointments, track the school emails, make sure the teeth get brushed and the baths taken followed by the tuck-ins, and basically keep track of life.

Sometimes I feel completely over-whelmed because all of the stress rests on my shoulders and he’s not going to feel that stress unless I tell him.

He’s not going to know that one kid needs to bring cupcakes to school or another kid has a birthday party to go to on the weekend or tuition is due on the 15th. If I’m going to whine, nag or bitch, it’s going to happen within those moments I feel like it’s all falling apart. Many times, those are the moments I’ll write about.

My husband has ADHD so there are a few things that I am just better off doing on my own anyway, like keeping track of the kids’ schedules or paying bills and taxes. This is not just from my observation, he freely admits being easily distracted with the boring life stuff while being hyper-focused on more pleasurable things, like working on his bike. However, because he has ADHD, there are things that he is much better at doing than I am. If there is something he wants or needs to learn, his focus goes into overdrive until he figures it out.

If something breaks, chances are my husband can fix it.

If the printer’s not working, he’s on it. If we need a new garbage disposal, he’ll put one in. The car needs an oil change or new breaks with rotors? No need to pay someone to do that. He’ll hang my chandeliers, change the locks on our doors, put up a back splash, plant flowers in our yard, install new toilets, sand and stain our wood floors, paint the walls, build new shelves and so much more. He drives semi-trucks for a living but he’s my very own contractor, plumber, auto-mechanic, geek squad, and landscaper.

Is it difficult to get him to pick up his clothes, go through his clutter or clean the garage? Yes, yes, and triple yes. Does he make sure the kids change their underwear, brush their teeth, or take a bath when he’s on duty? No, sometimes, and no. Will he go to the grocery store if we need milk, pick up the kids from school, and cook dinner on some nights of the week if I ask him to? Of course.

He works long hours every night so I can work day shift on the few days I do work and he actually doesn’t sleep a whole lot either. He has zero interest in the mundane things that go along with running a home, like daily chores, and would much rather have a project to work on or a problem to solve. Bummer for me when I have no time to clean the house and the hubby could care less but triple bonus for me when creativity strikes and I need someone to carry out my vision.

This is totally the best part of it all.

He gets to be Chip and I am Joanna Gaines.

In our old home, I had a vision for a white barn door for our master bath that, for some reason, was built without a door in the first place. It turned out awesome but unfortunately, we had to sell it with the house. He also finished the basement beautifully in that home, though it took him a couple of tries at that time because so much of it he was learning on his own.

Recently, I wanted to upgrade our reddish-brown fireplace that had a creamy tan-colored faux marble hearth. So, I designed how I wanted it to look and he carried it out to perfection.

My favorite project was our laundry room, which he expanded and completely renovated. Now this took about six months to finish since he’s frequently working overtime but at least it wasn’t a project left undone. Of course, I was super stoked once it finally had been completed.

Before…

and after…

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• 

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He’s currently building a stone firepit in our backyard but that’s all his vision. Pretty sure he jumped right into that one after finishing the laundry room, you know, before I had a chance to nag about our very own hoarder’s dream garage. Despite that, the firepit looks amazing and will be perfect for those cool fall nights we’ve been having.

These things make me happy. Like seriously giddy-happy.

Now, I used to complain to him not too long ago that he wasn’t as romantic as he used to be in the beginning of our relationship. The silly, insecure girl in me questioned if he still loved me as much today as he did back then–you know, before kids, our disappearing youthfulness, the monotony of family life, stress, and the plethora of responsibilities that come with it all. So, he asked me why I thought he was building the laundry room and I replied that I figured it was because he liked keeping busy with projects. He told me that the laundry room was for me and if he didn’t love me, he wouldn’t have spent months working on it.

Damn.

It was the first time that I truly realized that just because I wasn’t getting 100 flattering text messages a day like I did when we were dating, didn’t mean his love for me was slowly fizzling away. He was showing me how much he loved me in so many other ways and I just wasn’t seeing it, until now.

Sometimes we get so used to looking at other people’s relationships or how it is in the movies and we’re blind to the signs of love that are right there in front of us. We forget that as our relationship grows, adapting to life’s changes, how we show our love and appreciation to one another might also end up being expressed in different ways.

The flowers and the handwritten poem given to me on Valentine’s day is probably the extent of the mushy romantic stuff I get for the entire year. However, I’ve been incredibly stupid to put so much stock into those ridiculous holidays and lack of sappy text messages.

In truth, I’ve been given far more assurances of my husband’s love for me than any box of chocolates ever could.

Apparently, I’m a slow learner because it’s been 15 years since we met and I’m finally just figuring this out. It’s amazing to realize how much love and romance there actually is within a new fireplace or a killer laundry room. Now when I look at those things, I not only admire my husband’s beautiful handiwork, but my heart melts at the same time.

Further heart-melting can be found when I watch him with our children.

Can he be a little grumpy with them at times and does he run his mouth in a string of obscenities far too often, like the dad in the classic movie A Christmas Story? Yep. But even those who know him might be surprised to hear how soft spoken and patient he can be when he’s helping one kid with their homework and showing another how to build a race car out of legos.

My daughter is daddy’s little girl and is definitely spoiled rotten by him. He is putty in her hands most days unless I step in and tell him I already told her “no” for whatever it is she’s asking for. Both of my sons frequently run to assist him in the yard or when he’s monkeying around in the garage, begging to help and wanting to learn how to be little men. I’ve got to get him to work with the boys a little harder on the smashing-spiders-thing though, a necessary man skill, in my opinion.

He never misses a gymnastic competition, music program, and will attend most conferences if work doesn’t hold him up. And at the end of the day, you can find at least one little round head tucked in his arms, cuddling with their daddy.

As gruff as my husband can be sometimes, there is no doubt to how much he loves his children and how much his children love him.

For the king in our castle, no matter what is going on, family comes first. Always.

Since I’ve made a concerted effort to explain how important my husband is to me and how much I truly appreciate him, I’d like you to consider this “ode” to be a disclaimer for my past and future posts–you know, when I whine about those lackadaisical moments he has with the kids or if I happen to mention his putrid balled-up socks that can be sometimes found in between the sheets at the end of the bed.

When it comes to writing about my husband, whether it’s in admiration or a frustrated gripe, there’s just too much material there to work with so how could I pass it up? Just like my percocious children, it’s the gift that keeps on giving!

To my dismay, the husband isn’t much of a reader unless he’s digging for information on something he’d like to learn more about. You certainly won’t find him delving into a good book much less reading a blog post for entertainment. Sorry to say, but it took months just to get him to read the wifey’s posts. Sad, but true.

I’m off now to appeal to my husband’s massive ego though, letting him know I wrote a whole post about him and had a lot of nice things to say. I’m sure he can finish it before his attention span breaks, or at least before his time in the bathroom has come to an end.